Well, it's been a while and I have a had a roller coaster of a ride since I last posted... How about a recap and a break down...
After spending the first part of the season as number one sub and busting my ass in practice yet getting no reward. 9 games later I finally got my big break. I went in as middle because of a dispute between our setter and other middle... I busted my ass playing, but my hitting numbers were less than stellar, I still did good. I got decent blocks and some ok swings...
Somethings you should know... First, I know play both right side and middle. I am officially the most versatile, hard working, and dominate player on the court. Just let me perfect my passing and I will dominate. Second, I realized that yes I have to work hard and will continue to work hard, but nobody can can constantly push themselves with a release or some sort of break. I smoke marijuana if you didn't know or if it wasn't obvious. I do not feel it that it negatively affects my play at all and as long as I'm pushing myself the hardest when it comes to training and volleyball. Finally, well, I really don't know what to say... Back to the regular program.
I guess the main reason I don't write in here as much is because I always was looking for reflection and someone to bounce thoughts off of (generally myself). Now that I know who my friends are and have been able to have people to call my true friends. I find I don't have to do that as much. This is really just a place to clear out clutter in my head.
This past weekend, we played the Park Tournament and only came out 1-4, but I did a "phenomenal job" (Coach's words, not mine). I guess the one thing that's been bothering me is because I've been so focused on volleyball and on such an emotional roller coaster ride the past month. I've been falling behind in school work, but I'm gradually catching back up... No more long weekend tournaments. Just the rest of regular season, so the grades should be a 4.0 anyways.
Talk about a stream of consciousness...
Final point of discussion... I am in a a fraternity called TKE... I love my fraternity and everything I do I keep in mind the image I present for my fraternity. I want to do well in school, so people say man he's in TKE, they must work hard in school. I want to do well in volleyball so people say man he's in TKE, he has to know how to manage his time and still play his sport well. Yeah, every group, team, social scene has their underhandedness and deciet, but I firmly believe as long as you stay true to yourself and your bothers. Nothing else matters, so what's the issue? There's no issue. I just had very out of body and moment and surreal experience. During this experience, I felt like I had infultrated the house and I was now apart of something deep. Is this what going deep undercover is... But, I'm not undercover... I completly believe and want to follow to the best of my ability the ideals and standards that the house has to offer. People who aren't apart of a fraternity, would see it things the way I saw it that night... Those 20/20 stories on secret societies things like that... You see the footage and you just can't comprehend... They're aren't doing anything bad, but what drove these people to so blindly believe in the first place. This is almost religious, a group of people blindly following ideals and morals out of faith, but at the same time it's not blind. Once you're apart of the society, all is revealed and you feel as if you have made it. At which point it's time for you to start pushing yourself... Maybe this is why I relate to Green Street Hooligans so well. What freaked me out was the seperation of mind and body that I experienced. My mind for completly detached its self into its concious and subconcious parts, then those parts proceeded to seperate themselves from my body... It was three parts in one. My body served as an empty observer, a vessel, my concious actively participated like it was something I had done a thousand times, my sub concious then kicked in and ran through my head look at everything that is going on... I asked myself does this scare you? Yes. Why? I don't know... Is this who you are? No, I am me. So, this(TKE) must be a part of me, but doesn't define me. I retain my individuality as a stoner, an athlete, an A student, and person who doesn't give a flying fuck about what others think of me. Hmmm, it appears I've come full circle, everything I do, I do to make TKE look better, but in turn for attempting to better TKE, I am bettering myself anyways. I joined because, no matter if I had joined or not I would have bettered myself, but to be honest, I think things would have been different had I not joined and I would not be person I am now, but I still have a long road ahead of me. Through my fraternity, I know I will do great things.
Final thoughts, I need money, SHIT! FUCK, I'm broke.
Y.I.T.B.
