SHIT...

Curt is GONE

I'm still lost in school with 4 weeks left.

No longer a virgin... Haha, we're no longer together... I have no regrets.

I have no money...A HUGE TKE bill

SHIT! What am I going to do...


Mr. Useless

Y.I.T.B.

Major Problem... Minor Issues

I don't think I care about psychology anymore... Maybe I'm burnt out on it or maybe it's just the section of psychology that I'm studying at this point in time. If I can barely stand to sit in lecture or psychology class, how will I ever be able to endure a full day of it? FUCK. oh well. I need to review what's important to me and what I need to do to get where I want...


TKE, Music, Volleyball, Finishing School

TKE-Money, hence I need a job.

Music-Only available in a limited supply at this school. Get it when I can... Stay on the piano and learn Cello too? Play electric bass?

Volleyball-Limited training... Workout six days a week. But what about sport specific training? Does that mean a transfer or stay and fight it through?

Finishing School-What is my major? What is my minor? What do I want to do? Music, Psychology, Math, Chemistry, CIS.

I am happier with my friends and life is generally good. Just some important decisions that need to be made and re-evaluated in the next couple of months.


Always Undercover

Y.I.T.B.

BFF Jill?

Do they exist? are they an illusion?

I just... Constant break downs... Once a month, twice a month, every week, every day. I don't want to deal... Is that just the responsibility of it all?


Always undercover

Y.I.T.B.

Update

Possible pneumonia...

Maybe the ultimate form of dedication is going against the establishment... How many great schisms, seperations, and revolutions have occured in our history as human beings? These breaks are the foundation for a better future, but the downfall occurs when one great hero has to make the ultimate sacrifice. Finally, even after that sacrifice is made, is there going to be someone who is just a strong to make the sacrifice worth while... America is 200 years strong, France and Britian have ruled each back and forth for five times that...

Can I make that sacrifice? Or, while that even be necessary.

Always working from the inside,


Y.I.T.B.

Olympics

They're so far away... for me.

An amazing test of Strength and skill... With hard work, I'll see you in 2012, if not 2016.

But first to get Valley volleyball in shape...

It's a simple two letter word... Why can't I use it.... Just say it...

No...

Beaten into submission....


Y.I.T.B.

...

I know I've said before that I'm not happy here, but I'm really depressed here... 8 years of depression... Never feeling like I could be me... or be free to explore anything.... Always having being forced down... Not good enough... Tricked, lied to, cheated... No friends, no brothers... No one to save me or help me... to hang with and share my interests... All because I tried to do to much and now I don't know who I am... and what I've done defines me, but I've done nothing significant... So, again I am left undefined and useless...

Mad World-Gary Jules


Y.I.T.B.

Work Two Jobs

Recently, I we were drunk at a party and I was pulled to the side. A drunkard was seriously trying to have a deep conversation with me... Although, I'll be the first to admit I've had some deep conversations when I've been fucked up but, the midst of a party was not the time for said conversation... However, I listened anyway. This person intrigued me, I was ready to hear what he had to say. He told me, whatever you do in life "work two jobs."

I know crazy right, but for some reason at that moment in time, on that night of inebriation the advice of a drunk man never sounded so good. There was nothing particularly wrong with this person. He was young (29, mostly) and successful. He then went on to explain why I should work two jobs.

"The first job that you work should just support you for whatever it is that you want to do in life. What you want to do in life should be your second job. Now, when you get to point where you can switch over and make your second job your first job, do it. Then find another job..." Why find another job you ask? You remember all those childhood dreams of different jobs and careers. Well, one can bring most of them to life... just by working two jobs... Once your second job becomes your first, you can get another second job to do the other thing you wanted to do in your life. You may not always be happy, but someday you'll be able to say you did what you wanted to do in your life.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger-Daft Punk

Y.I.T.B.

Music Defines Life...Hopefully

Now that I have started to define the music I like and have allowed myself to absorb just the genres that really interest me, I have found that the songs are taking on more and meaning. They used to strictly be just critiques and I felt lost in a search to define what "good music" is. The search is not over, but I'm also not worried about it anymore... No longer am I a third person bystander. Hopefully, this change in thought will carry over to other aspects of my life.

Still no job, this is miserable and I know at this point whatever shit cook job that I get, in order to get through it, I'll have to constantly remind myself that I'm doing this for the things that are important to me in life... TKE, Volleyball, School, Money, Music.

I know that with this job a depression will come like NO other. Like a said, those things will have to remind me... And I have to keep in mind that I could be sitting at home with my dad mad at me. Further more, this will be good to add as a reference for next summer. This is what has to be done to get what I want though...

Mary Jane-Collie Buddz


Y.I.T.B.

JOB

If I don't find a job, I might DIE! Oh well, as it were, I have no friends, no job, no money, no life...

I'm a sophomore in college. I should probably stop now... I'm starting to get down again.

I have to do these things...

Get a job
Practice my bass
read
get stronger
practice volleyball

Blind to You-Collie Buddz


Y.I.T.B.

It Never Ends, But It Did

...It happens all the time... No rhyme or reason... I guess I always have to just deal. It sucks that when it happens I have no to talk to...

Nothings the same... TIme... HUH. I always knew it would happen, just didn't expect it.

I miss TKE, but I wonder how long these friends will last... You make plans and everything, but you never really know.

I'm Yours- Jason Mraz

No more movies, just books... Harry Potter series first...


Y.I.T.B.

To Rock or Not To Rock?

Upon further review, I think I've finally decided that Hip-Hop as a genre of music is not among my favorites. Not to discount or discredit a very essential area of music necessary to the development of techno/house and the foundation of a whole urban culture, but that whole urban culture was never something I was into in the first place. Beside, the next song to "shake ya ass" to has no with standing presence in the history of music.

Classical serves as a strong tonal basis for any music that contains discernible chord progressions.

All music of the Sixties, it still holds strong and people still listen to and make known these different songs. There may have been a few one hit wonders, but that one hit was all they needed.

Classic Rock... Need I say more

Alternative Rock, this area for me is largely encompassing. Ranging from the first outbreak of punk rock to the development of Indie Rock(as a genre).

Hip-Hop just holds no ground to any of this music... The only artist with any holding that will last in the future Jay-Z, Eminem, and Master P. Rap and Hip-Hop turned from a passing trend into a way of life that is fast and loose, much like the theme of most of the songs.

I'm not going to start hating or not listening to hip-hop or rap, but I will no longer claim it as specific genre of music that I find has any with standing songs(especially in 2008), worth downloading.

Musics evolution may have come to an end, but a new sound will soon be found by looking to musics roots...

Classical hip-hop and rock fusion is the future, most people just don't know it yet.

Fight Club

The Sixties-Artists of the Sixties


Y.I.T.B.

Springfield

So, I'm headed home to Springfield...SHITTY. That's ok though, I've weighed out the pros and the cons, I've talked it over with several people and they understand.

I hate springfield, but one of my brothers lives close by and I'll probably get an even better workout as far as strength and conditioning goes. Plus, I can knock some classes out of the way. My one problem is that I need to find a job...

I'm not in much of a expressive mood today, because I've had such a good and exhaustive day. Not like the sitting around and dying that I was doing in Kailua. That pisses me off... Whatever.

I Am Legend

Whiskey Lullaby-Brad Paisley


Y.I.T.B.

TKE

I don't do two posts in one day, but here it is...

TKE brothers are good. I'm glad I joined...

Hardwork

What's wrong with hard work. It doesn't always pay off.

I guess, you have to take a few risk during those years of hard work. Which makes sense, whatever.

I still don't know what I'm going to do. Go Big Island or go Home... Lame, maybe I can crash in Marshall. I wouldn't mind that... Guess I would have to call up the brothers...

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place....

No Movie

No Song


Y.I.T.B.

Seriously...

I know, I always feel like there are people and things holding me back. Usually, it is me that... well, holds me back, but I can't shake the feeling that no matter what I attempt to do or be good at in life. I will always have some sort of ridiculous opposition, where nothing even wants to go my way.

Even now, I sit in a house in Kailua, Hawaii as a crazed old woman runs around her house moving and repositioning things like an OCD patient that is never satisfied with where they how they've arranged their house. What should I be doing working, working out, and get better at volleyball.

However, as of right now, none of that is possible and I'm still wondering, how the fuck is all of this going to end. If I do go home, there will be little to no jobs to work, but atleast I would have guaranteed training.

So, upon reviewing all of this in my hopes for being known by more than just the people whom I actually talk to and my dreams of making something of myself. Should I have stuck with music? The scholarship was less, but I would have had guaranteed training just for the simple fact that I could play and practice scales for a whole year and still not like the way the notes sound. Despite the perfection that would be heard by the untrained ear. The worst part is, I could practice my bass just and still be able to get a scholarship for the mere 3,250.

As far as playing goes, I love it but, I love playing volleyball as well and why shouldn't I take the chance of being a collegiate volleyball player? I knew I could be a collegiate bassist, but I wanted to the explore my unknown. I have at least two years of exploring left. Maybe this was a good experience, but not the place for me... I would hate for that to be the case.

I guess no matter where I go though, I will never be happy and there will always be someone out to get me. Is this where I'm just supposed to roll over and die? Maybe this is how life ends, when those few that day by their own hand decide that life will always have enemies and living the perfect life is not necessarily possible. In fact, I know it is... I refuse to be that person though. I know I get depressed and yes it is VERY hard to deal, even if it only mild. Hence, I feel all the more for those with major depression.

I guess you get out of this world what you put into it... So, all those times I "failed," did I ever really put my all into it? Probably not. But, when I succeeded, I felt tired and accomplished... But always no rest for the weary, because there is always somebody or someone else out there to get one up on you and try to discredit you. Which brings us full circle to one of my original statements. Do those that choose to off themselves do it only because they know that living the perfect life is not possible?

One more paragraph is needed...

Ok, two...

No, they off themselves, because that's how life appears... In actuality, there is no rest for the weary and you get out of anything, what you put into it, be it life, school, music, or sports. Even after you have overcome one obstacle, there will be another and another and another. Always making sure that you are kept in check, but the greats of our planet figure out ways to overcome each and every obstacle. Those that die for trying to overcome these obstacles are forever remembered and those that live, go on to live happy successful lives.

So, in order to live happy and accomplished in old age a synecdoche is needed. It is not in short term accomplishments of short term goals that one deserves to live happy the rest of their life, but long term accomplishments of multiple goals that is why they have retirement. Even after one has become accomplished and is able to celebrate their life. He or She should still continue working hard at got them there in the first place, not because they have to or have anything left to prove, but because they love what they're doing.

Hmmm... I've gone from talking about volleyball, to a crazed seventy year old women, to accomplishing goals... I've already summed up what I wanted to say, but I am yet to find resolve. I guess I'm going to stick with all the plans that I've laid down in my life for now... Give them my all and work hard at them. If at some point someone tries to shoot me down and discredit my hardwork, I will continue to work even harder. Yes, I know there will be days when I'm just tired and worn down. I will have to keep working, but on that day, I just won't feel that accomplished (Guess that's what friends are for). The next day will be better.

The Butterfly Effect

Flight 601 (All I've Got Is Time)-Fenix TX


Y.I.T.B.

6.75

I almost made it the whole school year without begging my parents for money... Oh well. I guess I am Shame... Damn composite.

Here's to the middle class. Not quite rich enough to spend money, not quite poor enough to get money.

Babel

Specialist-Interpol


Y.I.T.B.

I Firmly Believe in Calming the Fuck Down

The year is almost over.
Five days actually.
I'm an active of TKE. "789"
Coach wants me back.
Hawai'i in 8 days.
Hopefully a 4.0 this semester.

I recommend Manic and Children of Men.

In the irony of it all-The Streets


Y.I.T.B.

Future

It's not fair... I have dreams, goals, and aspirations. With each passing day I feel like he is taking them away. I didn't ask to be a varsity player right away or a middle hitter.

.FUCK.

I will find a way... I will not let another coach take my goals away from me.