Once you have read it... Consider this...
There are people ALL OVER the world, who feel this darkness. For a number of reasons, while molestation is one of the greater evils, the feeling is all the same. Nothing you do is ever alone, it's with this cloud eating at you, doubting you... You can't erase, you can ignore it, but it only last for so long.
The nature of the letter is not important, it's the depth. The though, when you go through your life, singing "poor me." A song you're entitled to sing, don't blame other people, they too could have this same unwanted passenger. You never know consequences of your actions, it's as simple as "A Car Ride..." So much anger over something so trivial. It's one of my triggers. Some people can find the cause for the "darkness," others live with it, but can never seem to find the answer. Just hints of SOMETHING that if we could face it would resolve the issue.
As I write this, I feel the clock ticking... My "precious" time gone. I'm on springbreak, I can't even fucking enjoy it... Even when I'm supposed to relax. The darkness just sits there.... I star at it, it looks right back at me... Even a shadow is afraid of the dark...
When the options are so black and white, life and death, what does one do? There are so many things in life that occur on a spectrum. Why are these things so absolute? Can I
FUCK IT ALLL.... I'm angry, I'm pissed off... EVERYDAY, every fucking day.... This weirdness, this doubt, it reaches deep in my heart.... It hurts, it trapts my mind, makes me feel cut off from everything. Love, emotions, being great, I feel trapted, constantly... Granted, I'm better than I was a year and half ago. I really thought this feeling would leave once I was doing better, it hurt to know that it was STILL THERE, I still feel it, like a knife. Nothing fixes it, I can only find pain relievers, but no true erasure...
It could be argued that the pain is supposed to exist, to reminds us that we can feel and are still ALIVE. So, I ask, suicide may not be an answer, but more of a question... When you want to die, you're really questioning... Your existence, your mortality. You're questioning every longstanding interaction you've ever had with someone. What do these relationships mean? Did the writer feel like he made an impact on their lives? If the answer to the question is no, you off yourself... If it is yes, you live... Hmmm, I was hoping more for a "deus ex machina" type thing, but I'm definitely down for a bildungsroman. So, full circle. We thought life or death was the question. Turns out, life is the only answer, but death is a little trickery. It ultimately is the answer, however, it poses as a question... Death?(do you want to do die). Obviously, no one wants to truly die, they just feel dead(suicide). Death is an answer because, we all die, it's just a matter of when... You can die now, kill yourself; die tomorrow, doing some extreme sport; or die later, in whatever sick way the world sees fit. While, I can't get rid of this darkness and I still don't have an answer for it, every piece to the puzzle helps.
The point is, don't judge, don't make fun... people grow up having different experiences. If someone isn't as experienced as you, great care should be taken when talking to them about it... Everyone has something that they're dealing with.
