What's wrong with hard work. It doesn't always pay off.
I guess, you have to take a few risk during those years of hard work. Which makes sense, whatever.
I still don't know what I'm going to do. Go Big Island or go Home... Lame, maybe I can crash in Marshall. I wouldn't mind that... Guess I would have to call up the brothers...
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place....
No Movie
No Song
Y.I.T.B.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Seriously...
I know, I always feel like there are people and things holding me back. Usually, it is me that... well, holds me back, but I can't shake the feeling that no matter what I attempt to do or be good at in life. I will always have some sort of ridiculous opposition, where nothing even wants to go my way.
Even now, I sit in a house in Kailua, Hawaii as a crazed old woman runs around her house moving and repositioning things like an OCD patient that is never satisfied with where they how they've arranged their house. What should I be doing working, working out, and get better at volleyball.
However, as of right now, none of that is possible and I'm still wondering, how the fuck is all of this going to end. If I do go home, there will be little to no jobs to work, but atleast I would have guaranteed training.
So, upon reviewing all of this in my hopes for being known by more than just the people whom I actually talk to and my dreams of making something of myself. Should I have stuck with music? The scholarship was less, but I would have had guaranteed training just for the simple fact that I could play and practice scales for a whole year and still not like the way the notes sound. Despite the perfection that would be heard by the untrained ear. The worst part is, I could practice my bass just and still be able to get a scholarship for the mere 3,250.
As far as playing goes, I love it but, I love playing volleyball as well and why shouldn't I take the chance of being a collegiate volleyball player? I knew I could be a collegiate bassist, but I wanted to the explore my unknown. I have at least two years of exploring left. Maybe this was a good experience, but not the place for me... I would hate for that to be the case.
I guess no matter where I go though, I will never be happy and there will always be someone out to get me. Is this where I'm just supposed to roll over and die? Maybe this is how life ends, when those few that day by their own hand decide that life will always have enemies and living the perfect life is not necessarily possible. In fact, I know it is... I refuse to be that person though. I know I get depressed and yes it is VERY hard to deal, even if it only mild. Hence, I feel all the more for those with major depression.
I guess you get out of this world what you put into it... So, all those times I "failed," did I ever really put my all into it? Probably not. But, when I succeeded, I felt tired and accomplished... But always no rest for the weary, because there is always somebody or someone else out there to get one up on you and try to discredit you. Which brings us full circle to one of my original statements. Do those that choose to off themselves do it only because they know that living the perfect life is not possible?
One more paragraph is needed...
Ok, two...
No, they off themselves, because that's how life appears... In actuality, there is no rest for the weary and you get out of anything, what you put into it, be it life, school, music, or sports. Even after you have overcome one obstacle, there will be another and another and another. Always making sure that you are kept in check, but the greats of our planet figure out ways to overcome each and every obstacle. Those that die for trying to overcome these obstacles are forever remembered and those that live, go on to live happy successful lives.
So, in order to live happy and accomplished in old age a synecdoche is needed. It is not in short term accomplishments of short term goals that one deserves to live happy the rest of their life, but long term accomplishments of multiple goals that is why they have retirement. Even after one has become accomplished and is able to celebrate their life. He or She should still continue working hard at got them there in the first place, not because they have to or have anything left to prove, but because they love what they're doing.
Hmmm... I've gone from talking about volleyball, to a crazed seventy year old women, to accomplishing goals... I've already summed up what I wanted to say, but I am yet to find resolve. I guess I'm going to stick with all the plans that I've laid down in my life for now... Give them my all and work hard at them. If at some point someone tries to shoot me down and discredit my hardwork, I will continue to work even harder. Yes, I know there will be days when I'm just tired and worn down. I will have to keep working, but on that day, I just won't feel that accomplished (Guess that's what friends are for). The next day will be better.
The Butterfly Effect
Flight 601 (All I've Got Is Time)-Fenix TX
Y.I.T.B.
Even now, I sit in a house in Kailua, Hawaii as a crazed old woman runs around her house moving and repositioning things like an OCD patient that is never satisfied with where they how they've arranged their house. What should I be doing working, working out, and get better at volleyball.
However, as of right now, none of that is possible and I'm still wondering, how the fuck is all of this going to end. If I do go home, there will be little to no jobs to work, but atleast I would have guaranteed training.
So, upon reviewing all of this in my hopes for being known by more than just the people whom I actually talk to and my dreams of making something of myself. Should I have stuck with music? The scholarship was less, but I would have had guaranteed training just for the simple fact that I could play and practice scales for a whole year and still not like the way the notes sound. Despite the perfection that would be heard by the untrained ear. The worst part is, I could practice my bass just and still be able to get a scholarship for the mere 3,250.
As far as playing goes, I love it but, I love playing volleyball as well and why shouldn't I take the chance of being a collegiate volleyball player? I knew I could be a collegiate bassist, but I wanted to the explore my unknown. I have at least two years of exploring left. Maybe this was a good experience, but not the place for me... I would hate for that to be the case.
I guess no matter where I go though, I will never be happy and there will always be someone out to get me. Is this where I'm just supposed to roll over and die? Maybe this is how life ends, when those few that day by their own hand decide that life will always have enemies and living the perfect life is not necessarily possible. In fact, I know it is... I refuse to be that person though. I know I get depressed and yes it is VERY hard to deal, even if it only mild. Hence, I feel all the more for those with major depression.
I guess you get out of this world what you put into it... So, all those times I "failed," did I ever really put my all into it? Probably not. But, when I succeeded, I felt tired and accomplished... But always no rest for the weary, because there is always somebody or someone else out there to get one up on you and try to discredit you. Which brings us full circle to one of my original statements. Do those that choose to off themselves do it only because they know that living the perfect life is not possible?
One more paragraph is needed...
Ok, two...
No, they off themselves, because that's how life appears... In actuality, there is no rest for the weary and you get out of anything, what you put into it, be it life, school, music, or sports. Even after you have overcome one obstacle, there will be another and another and another. Always making sure that you are kept in check, but the greats of our planet figure out ways to overcome each and every obstacle. Those that die for trying to overcome these obstacles are forever remembered and those that live, go on to live happy successful lives.
So, in order to live happy and accomplished in old age a synecdoche is needed. It is not in short term accomplishments of short term goals that one deserves to live happy the rest of their life, but long term accomplishments of multiple goals that is why they have retirement. Even after one has become accomplished and is able to celebrate their life. He or She should still continue working hard at got them there in the first place, not because they have to or have anything left to prove, but because they love what they're doing.
Hmmm... I've gone from talking about volleyball, to a crazed seventy year old women, to accomplishing goals... I've already summed up what I wanted to say, but I am yet to find resolve. I guess I'm going to stick with all the plans that I've laid down in my life for now... Give them my all and work hard at them. If at some point someone tries to shoot me down and discredit my hardwork, I will continue to work even harder. Yes, I know there will be days when I'm just tired and worn down. I will have to keep working, but on that day, I just won't feel that accomplished (Guess that's what friends are for). The next day will be better.
The Butterfly Effect
Flight 601 (All I've Got Is Time)-Fenix TX
Y.I.T.B.
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